The battle of perfection constantly wages in me and pulls at the corner of my heart. It is one of those things that I have to be constantly aware of, because when I least expect it, the desire for perfection can bubble up.
During the Christmas holiday, my dream of perfection often tries to surface. Whether it is decorating the house, buying gifts, or having parties, I have to fight against my natural lean towards perfection.
Fighting it was not always my first line of action. In the past, I submitted to it fully. In doing so, my days were filled with endless cleaning, organizing, planning, and over analyzing each and every thing. Instead of being present, I was distant, always thinking of the next thing.
Perfection was my unspoken goal until I realized perfection does not exist and instead I had to start the process of letting go of perfection.
The past few years, I have been in the depths of this process. I know it will always be a war I have to fight, but it gets easier to fight it. Little by little, I am learning to let down my walls and embrace those around me.
One of the first times, I realized I struggled with perfection was while dating my now husband. The closer we got, the higher my walls went up. I had become so used to leaving out details of my life and glossing over it in hopes to portray a perfect life. He could see right through my walls, but waited patiently.
There came a moment, where I decided enough was enough. I was so used to leaving out details for fear of shame. I still can recall the day we sat on the steps of my dorm porch and I pulled out an old faded picture of my mom and birth father. The words came out slowly as I shared my past- my story. In his eyes, I saw no shame or condemnation simply love and acceptance. It was the first step of many for me to embrace my story and let go of perfection.
How similar is that to how God sees us? He does not expect us to be these perfect robots. We are all beautifully and uniquely made… It is refreshing to be yourself, to share your story- your real story. You never know how your story may encourage another.
Even though, I know perfection is not reality, I still struggle at times with wanting it and seeking it. I will find myself having these insane and unrealistic expectations of others, of my kids, of myself. It can be hard. I have had to learn to give myself grace.
I encourage you, friends, let down your walls and let others in. It is so freeing and refreshing doing so. Focus this Christmas on being truly present. This Christmas season will be full of imperfections and within those moments there is great beauty waiting to be unveiled.
What about you? Do you struggle with this area?
This post is part of Write 31 Days
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